Well, that was awesome

We bought a harness today.   We'd always done ass play with dildos  and toys.   On a whim we stopped at the local sex shop and browsed around until she decided on a harness and a new 6" dildo that is pretty close to my build.  We'd kicked the idea around quite a bit, and she finally got one todas.  I was surprised at the store, as she's been on a humiliation kick lately and had figured she'd get some sort of clothing,  she looked real hard at a pair of hooker heels.  She started the time off tonight with an enema,  one of the few kinks we don't share enjoyment in, but she enjoys the hell out of it, so much she was literally dripping down her leg.    When we went back to the bedroom, she had me on my knees sucking, which got me rock hard.   Took a couple tryst to find a position that worked to fuck me, finally finding me on my back at the edge of the bed with her fucking me with my legs in the air.   It was probably the onr of the most intense orgasms either of us had together,  and considering it didn't involve me inside her, it has me on a pretty big high right now.

It's been a while.

It's been a while since I've posted.  Life's been insanely hectic(good things).  Just got back from vacation and we've had a good week.  Well except I had to lock back up after an extended run free.

Tuesday night was a really good session.  It was mostly punishment for not listening to mistress well enough.  And it was good in the sense that I was reminded to do a better job of that.  She absolutely abused my ass that night.  Both with flogger and dildos.  Though I really enjoyed the dildos, so much that I was leaking all over the place.  So much so that I begged for it the next night, and was so sore from the night before that didn't last long.

Mistress had me buy pink panties to wear.  And I'm still unsure what to think.  I'm halfway aroused because it's something that she suggested on her own with no input from me, which is a turn on for me, and at times a struggle I think for her.  I also find it fairly humiliating, which, as far as I can recall, the first I've truly felt that way since taking on this dynamic. They're strangely comfortable.  And as stated, the first time she's gone on her own as far as ideas, leaving me wondering where else she's gonna go.

I had fun last night. A lot.

Been a bit since updating.  Stresses got the best of me, and I asked to pause from chastity for a bit.  It was one more thing going on along with many others and I was mentally ready to break.  I think she was hurt by my asking, and it didn't dawn on me that it would hurt her.  She thought it meant I didn't trust her for that aspect of our life, but that isn't the case at all.  I just needed a break.

This week was tough at work too.  All the stresses added up to my mind and I was making mistakes everywhere and couldn't wrap my mind around anything.  Everything was a blur.  So I needed to let go.  Asked to be locked back up, and taken in to her control, and have her take me to my happy place mentally sub wise.

And she did a magnificent job of it.  The entire scene was the best I can recall.  Partially because it let me let go of my stresses, and right my mind.  She knew when to push me, when to feed on my pain.  The way she grabbed my head and shoved the dildo down, every time she walked by my face I instinctively picked my head up and opened my mouth.

And that helped me cope.  Put me in a much better place mentally.  Stayed locked up last night, and she's let me out for valentine's day.  After tonight I have no problem giving her the control back and being locked back up.

Confusion

This whole world is confusing.  I'm always confused as to why I'm always in the mood.  Confused as to why she's not when I want her to be.  Why I work so hard for everything, yet everything is hard.  Why I can't ever seem to get ahead.  I'm confused as to what I can do to make her happier.  Confused as to what I can do to let her know she's the one. I'm confused as to why I have to work so hard some times.  Confused as to why i like things up my ass.  Confused as to why the idea of her forcing me to suck someone else s cock arouses me.  Confused as to why whatever this world brings, as to why things in our personal life, monetary things, never seem to work out.  Confused as to when it'll bring relief.  I bust my ass, and, and no relief seems near.

Confused

Damn Germs

Being sick sucks.  I was due to be let out tonight.  But I have a cold.  And something about germs means that's off now.  And she won't even let me help myself.

We had a pleasurable play session last weekend.  Until I felt like throwing up and had to end it.  Everything was going along fine, she was enjoying marking me with various instruments, had just moved in to playing with my ass, and I felt really sick.  So we ended it.

We did get a couple new toys.  A new gag with nipple clamps that left my nipples sore for days, a new blindfold, and a tail plug.   I think she's looking forward to playing with this.  I am too, but she's got a devilish grin on her face when we talk about it.  Will update about it once it comes in.

Thoughts

Why am I so horny all the time?
Why do I enjoy having my cock locked up?
Why does mistress not want to play often?
Why do I want to lick her sweet little cunt all the time?
Why do I like her to hit me?
Why do I like things shoved up my ass?
Why do I want to explore my sexuality so much?
Why does the thought of another man in bed with us excite me?
Is mistress ever going to bring another woman to bed with us?
How can I get mistress to play more?
How can I please her more?
When are real life issues going to sort out?
Am I going to get to serve as her pet this weekend?
Will she be more forceful?
Is being dominant what she wants?


I'm not the most outgoing person, but those are some thoughts and questions that routinely go through my head.

I Tried

She let me fuck her last night.  After getting her off with my finger, she let me fuck her.  But I had to wear two condoms.  Was supposed to make it so I could last longer.  I lasted a bit longer.  Though she had edged me 10 times prior to fucking, so I wasn't gonna last long regardless.  Now I'm locked back up again.

I kind of can't wait for the weekend.  It'll be the first opportunity we've had to play rougher and free'er in a bit.  So can't wait for that.

There's times I wish she'd be more aggressive.  More assertive.  More rewards/punishments.  More rules.  But know it's not always feasible with all that goes on in every day life.

I wish we could re visit the number of forced posts per week.  I feel it's tough to find things to say and talk about.