Saturday, January 31, 2015

Confusion

This whole world is confusing.  I'm always confused as to why I'm always in the mood.  Confused as to why she's not when I want her to be.  Why I work so hard for everything, yet everything is hard.  Why I can't ever seem to get ahead.  I'm confused as to what I can do to make her happier.  Confused as to what I can do to let her know she's the one. I'm confused as to why I have to work so hard some times.  Confused as to why i like things up my ass.  Confused as to why the idea of her forcing me to suck someone else s cock arouses me.  Confused as to why whatever this world brings, as to why things in our personal life, monetary things, never seem to work out.  Confused as to when it'll bring relief.  I bust my ass, and, and no relief seems near.

Confused

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Damn Germs

Being sick sucks.  I was due to be let out tonight.  But I have a cold.  And something about germs means that's off now.  And she won't even let me help myself.

We had a pleasurable play session last weekend.  Until I felt like throwing up and had to end it.  Everything was going along fine, she was enjoying marking me with various instruments, had just moved in to playing with my ass, and I felt really sick.  So we ended it.

We did get a couple new toys.  A new gag with nipple clamps that left my nipples sore for days, a new blindfold, and a tail plug.   I think she's looking forward to playing with this.  I am too, but she's got a devilish grin on her face when we talk about it.  Will update about it once it comes in.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Thoughts

Why am I so horny all the time?
Why do I enjoy having my cock locked up?
Why does mistress not want to play often?
Why do I want to lick her sweet little cunt all the time?
Why do I like her to hit me?
Why do I like things shoved up my ass?
Why do I want to explore my sexuality so much?
Why does the thought of another man in bed with us excite me?
Is mistress ever going to bring another woman to bed with us?
How can I get mistress to play more?
How can I please her more?
When are real life issues going to sort out?
Am I going to get to serve as her pet this weekend?
Will she be more forceful?
Is being dominant what she wants?


I'm not the most outgoing person, but those are some thoughts and questions that routinely go through my head.

Monday, January 19, 2015

I Tried

She let me fuck her last night.  After getting her off with my finger, she let me fuck her.  But I had to wear two condoms.  Was supposed to make it so I could last longer.  I lasted a bit longer.  Though she had edged me 10 times prior to fucking, so I wasn't gonna last long regardless.  Now I'm locked back up again.

I kind of can't wait for the weekend.  It'll be the first opportunity we've had to play rougher and free'er in a bit.  So can't wait for that.

There's times I wish she'd be more aggressive.  More assertive.  More rewards/punishments.  More rules.  But know it's not always feasible with all that goes on in every day life.

I wish we could re visit the number of forced posts per week.  I feel it's tough to find things to say and talk about.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Untitled

I'm finding it hard to write three times a week.  Hard to find things to talk about.  She's stressed over various things.  Play time is few and far between.  But we're chugging along to eternal bliss.  I miss going down stairs for scenes.  That's gonna be hard to come by for the time being. I'm really not sure what to write today.  I'd skip all together, but I'm supposed to write three times.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Le sigh

Mistress is away for the night.   I miss her.  Means I sleep alone tonight.  Which I hate.  She's been going to bed really late lately.  And I wake up constantly missing her in bed.   And this seems like a sad post.  So I'll stop.

Love you Mistress.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Humiliated

I am to post a picture of my "tiny locked up cock" to reddit to be subjected to humiliation for not following mistresses rules.  I neglected to post 3 blog posts last week.  This is my punishment, here is the link per request from mistress.

http://www.reddit.com/r/Humiliation/comments/2s464v/humiliate_me_per_my_mistress/

Needs and wants

Through some trials and tribulations of our vanilla part of our relationship lately, it's been required of me, well us realistically both of us need to do this, to outline what I want in the D/s part of our relationship.  While I in no way think this is a final list, it'll evolve as time goes, much as our sexual relationship has evolved, I hope this clarifies as to mistresses' wishes.

I've kind of organized a list of things we currently do, things I'd like to try one day, things that pique my interest.
Pain play:  I've only recently been introduced in to this, and found I really enjoy where it takes me.  Mistress does well of pushing my limits, knowing what to do.  I wish we did this more often, but know reality means we're limited.  She found a way to send me into sub space with this just on the couch last week.  It's not the pain that I seek per se, but the place she takes me.

Ass play:  I'm not afraid to admit I like it, privately at least, not a discussion among friends.  We have a session tonight scheduled, a bet I lost the other night.  Would like to try being plugged for times.  We've shied away from lately as I've had an aversion to the lube I believe, hope the new lube we bought is better, trying it this morning seemed ok.  I  have a feeling she won't be nice tonight.

TPE:  I think this has been the subject that's been hard for us to agree, for lack of better terms, on how to implement.  We both agree that it should be an asset to our overall relationship.  We just need to agree to how and what we want.  Some times I feel that when we've agreed to TPE for a period of time, I don't get enough direction as to what to do what she wants etc.  And we've talked about that, and I think we both realize that negotiations for when we are TPE time need to further and define what we want.

Topping:  We're moving on to things that I'd like do or try.  This one isn't necessarily I haven't done.  But, I do want to top occasionally, not necessarily in a pain situation, but sexually.  Assuming she wants that.  She just has to ask.

Humiliation:  She does this a little some times.  But, for some reason, I have this urge to be broken down mentally.  Humiliated, her little slut, at her mercy.  Hard to describe this one, if she has questions that could help me describe this better, I'm sure she'll ask them.

Threesome:  Every man's dream right?  Having two hot women in bed with him.  Probably doesn't need much explanation.  I know it would need to be discussed in depth, boundaries, limits etc, but I know our relationship is strong enough to do it some day.  And I know she likes women so that helps.

Bisexual Threesome:  Honestly, it intrigues me.  Whether or not it's something I want in reality or just fantasy is TBD.  But don't know until that time comes.

Slave/Puppy play:  I sent(as frequently do) porn pics the other day that depicted pony and slave play.  Some day would enjoy being her slave for a time period.  I know she is interested in plug with a tail, so one day she should ask for it.

Hope this helps her.  There's time when we're in play, whatever scenario that may be, that I wish she were more forceful, more vocal in demanding things of me, but know that some of that is her growing in to the top role.  I want more defined punishments and rewards for what she wants.

I'll end with things I'd like to add to our growing play stash:  Ball gag, spreader bar, real strap on, face dildo, leather clothes for her, my own collar.



Friday, January 9, 2015

I screwed up

Wednesday night she let me out.  It was an earned night out and orgasm(hand job).  She let me go to bed unlocked after allowing me to cum.   Mistress has always been a grabber at night.  Well that night she was dreaming and woke me up grabbing my cock. Like really in to stroking it.  I, being the ever horny one that I am enjoyed the hell out of it.  

Then I got close to cumming.  I feebly tried to wake her up to ask her to cum.  She's a fairly heavy sleeper when in that mindset and didn't wake up.  So I'm stuck here at the time.  As I get close to cumming I pull her hand off my throbbing cock.  But wasn't quick enough.  I ruined my own orgasm.  And screwed up for cumming without permission.  Now am locked back up for an extended time.  I should have woken her up.

Monday, January 5, 2015

How to control orgasms?

Well last night was awesome and awful in the same breath.  She surprised me by telling me that she wanted to let me out and fuck me, I wasn't due to be out for another two days after getting to cum inside her the night before.  I, knowing she had been drinking a little, asked her to ride me, not her favorite but a like of mine.  I was exhausted from working all night the night before, and simply wanted her to do the work.  She agreed and I was content.

She then spent the next hour and a half edging me relentlessly.  Both of us are pretty good at knowing when I'm close when she uses her hands, so never more than a little pre cum during that extremely long edging session.

We went to bed and after getting to get her off while fucking her with my fingers, a favorite of hers, she hopped right on top of me.  Sadly with a condom, but another story.   Lately with the HT2, I have zero stamina.  Like pre-teen boy finding his cock stamina.  Saturday evening before going to work, I lasted about a minute, which is pretty standard right now.  I think it has to do with her cock feeling absolutely nothing while locked up and then being super sensitive after.  I could use to last as long as she wanted before we started chastity.

So, she's fucking me, and as has become second nature, I asked to cum when I was close.  She then said no and stopped thrusting on my cock.  I didn't cum, so she started again.  Not 10 seconds later I was close again and asked to cum.  She stopped, but by then it was too late.  I came and she got upset.  Added another day to my current time.  Ruined orgasm, while inside of her, she was on top, stopped and it just came out.  So, I need help, I have no idea how not to cum when she says no while still being inside her...

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Oh god

I need to cum.  I need to cum.  I need to cum.  
I need to cum.  



I need to cum.  


I did get to get her off last night.  So that was good

Friday, January 2, 2015

I'm Horny

I say that a lot lately.  I don't even say it in a whiny way.  And I don't think it's a bad thing.  Her controlling my orgasms has made me enjoy it more.

She's started writing her blog. Seen here:  http://findingfoxsfire.blogspot.com/ I greatly appreciate it. It allows me to see her thoughts.  While our relationship is as good as I could ask for, our communications regarding what we want and like are often lacking verbally.  So occasionally she'll write.  And it'll allow me to see her perspective and think of things to address that I otherwise wouldn't.

Mistress said in her first post that after a bdsm session that I would rather cuddle and need affection than have sex.  While I do remember one specific instance where this was the case, I also think, and want, that as turned on as she gets from the sessions, that we would both enjoy immensely the pleasure I want to give her after.

I love how much she wants to push me and explore deeper and deeper what we can do. I have learned to trust her more and more through this journey.  And so for the first time in my life, I enjoy being horny, and not instinctively jerking off to solve that.

And I'm horny.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Rules

She has limited rules for me.  Though she'll likely have more as time goes on.  Mostly mundane.  She wants me to update this three times a week.  I can't touch myself when cleaning.   Locked up during shark week(though she gave an excellent blow job this week.  Large load that she mostly swallowed and then fed me the rest).  Need to keep myself shaved.

I did get out for two days this week, as a sore developed on the end of my dick.  Hurt a little.  But i have to stay locked up for the first two days after she's done with her monthly visit.  Then it's the best day of the month.  I get to cum in her.  I can't wait.  

I'm hoping to get some time bent over the table downstairs this week, it's been a couple.  And I know she gets turned on by it.